A Piece Of My Heart

The summer of 2004 gripped my heart like no other.  I had just finished my junior year of college and I had made the decision to go on Summer Project with Campus Crusade for Christ.  When I first decided to go and was making the decision of where to apply to I had a few choices.  Few is a MAJOR understatement as CCC has HUNDREDS of stateside and international Summer Project locations!  And now comes my shameless plug to check them out at www.gosummerproject.com (ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE CURRENTLY A COLLEGE STUDENT!).

In about a months’ time I had completed my application (listing my location preferences: Thailand, North Africa, Japan, Australia) and had been accepted to be a part of the 2004 Thailand Summer Project!  I SO did not foresee how this Summer Project would change my life and my heart for the rest of the days of my life.

I’m going to backtrack a bit and tell you why I had listed Thailand as my first preference.  I have always been intrigued with the countries of Southeast Asia.  Half of my heritage comes from Southeast Asia.  My dad is 100% Filipino, and I love that I can consider myself half Asian.  I truly believe that having an Asian dad has given me a sensitivity and love towards the Asian culture.  At the time I was applying for a Summer Project, a summer in the Philippines wasn’t an option.  So, basically my next step was to see how close I could get to the Philippines.  Enter: Thailand.

Now, I’m going to fast forward to post-Summer Project.  You may say: “But wait, aren’t you going to tell us about your trip to Thailand?”  Another time my friends, another time.  My trip to Thailand deserves a whole post to itself because it was THAT amazing.

When I returned to the states from being overseas for 6 weeks, my heart was aching to go back.  To be quite honest, my heart STILL aches to go back.  While I was in Thailand I experienced first-hand what it looked like to see a life changed for eternity.  I saw a person pass from death to life right before my eyes.  Not that I didn’t already have a bent towards Southeast Asia, but after that Summer Project my heart for Southeast Asia (and for lost people in general) expanded larger than I thought my body could contain.

 

One of the first few days I was in Thailand my SummerProject team took a trip up to Doi Suthep, the main Buddhist temple in Chiang Mai.  This temple in Chiang Mai sits high above the city on top of a mountain.  As I walked around the temple, I observed many Thai natives bowing down in worship to golden statutes that sat motionless in front of them.  They were offering up incense, flowers, money, and earnest prayers to these statues.  My heart ached because I knew that their prayers weren’t being heard.  The idols in front of them were hopeless, dead statues, and the living God of the universe was right there if only they realized that God sent Someone to rescue their very soul!

During that visit to the Buddhist temple, God brought to my mind Matthew 9:35-38 which says, “And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction.  When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.  Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”  This passage from Matthew has continued to be etched on my heart since that day. 

So, I’m a MAJOR people watcher!  I love observing people’s interactions, mannerisms, facial expressions, and quirks.  Yeah yeah…call me a creeper…I’m ok with that.  Just as long as you don’t think I’m one of those creepy kinda creepers J I tell you this because as I go throughout the days and weeks of my life, I often find myself looking at people through the lens of these verses in Matthew.  I can’t help it!

The harvest is plentiful.

There are people all around me who need to be rescued.

How will I respond?  

Snow White

I write this post feeling absolutely overwhelmed by God’s love and grace.  I am broken before the cross of Christ reflecting on the sacrifice that was made for ME!  I know this should be an ever-apparent thought in my daily life, but quite honestly it’s not.  I so easily forget.  I distract myself with everything else.  I’m in the middle of this book study that has grown and stretched me like crazy.  The book is called “What Women Fear” by Angie Smith.  So each week on the (in)courage website two chapters are discussed via video.  The chapter that was reviewed today is called “The First Stone: Fear Of My Past Catching Up To Me.”  The story from the Bible that Angie illustrated this with is the story of the adulterous woman being brought before Jesus by the Pharisees.  The Pharisees were reciting the law saying that anyone caught in adultery should be stoned.  They waited for Jesus’ response, hoping to have a charge to bring against him.  They wanted to find blame in the One who was completely blameless.  Jesus responds by bending down to write something on the ground he was standing on.  He then stands up and tells the Pharisees, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her."  Jesus again bent down to write something on the ground, and as he did that the accusers walked away one by one.  Now, I’m not going to go into anything specifically about my past…I have one…so does everyone else.  If I’m being real, I really do have a fear that my past will catch up to me.  Yeah, I don’t show it in a noticeable way, or I don’t try to scramble around covering up my past, but I do let it get the best of my thought life sometimes.  What if what I did back then shows its ugly head in my life today?  What if a punishment is waiting for me around the corner?  Just like the adulterous woman, I’m waiting for someone to throw the first stone.  A line in the chapter that struck my heart was: “I am convinced that the enemy preys on our memories and regrets, and taunts us with the many ways in which we have failed God.”  So true!  Guess what though?!?!  The beauty of the cross of Christ covers me in forgiveness and grace!  I have most definitely asked God to forgive me for those times in my life, so I have to choose to believe and take God at his word when He says that my sins are as far away from being held against me as the east is from the west.  I am forgiven.  I am clean.  Angie describes Jesus in this way (which I looooove her wording!): “[Jesus is] The shame-lifter, the God-made-man, the burden-carrier, the lover of my soul…with forgiveness and grace like I had never known.”  It absolutely takes my breath away.  I’m just going to continue to use Angie’s words and leave you with one more quote from her book: “The Lord has delighted in the grace that washes you white as snow.  White.  As.  Snow.”