Wanna know what else? There’s a couple of people sitting together about 20 feet behind me over my right shoulder that I totally know. Like I usually see them on a weekly basis. I’m being anti-social. As soon as I walked in I spotted them, and I did the ol’ body/head tilt away from their general direction. After I put my order in, I grabbed a table in the corner near the window, and I strategically sat in the seat that looked out the window…thereby giving the majority of the Panarians (yep, I just made that up!) a splendid view of the back of my head.
There are just some days I want to be all alone. Am I being selfish? That’s a hypothetical question by the way, because I don’t want to see anyone answer that question in the comments below thank you very much. I once took this personality test and the first personality trait it measures is whether you are an introvert or an extrovert. So either you are energized by being alone or you are energized by being around people. Let’s just say I scored a pretty high number for being an introvert. Now I can definitely schmooze it up when I need to. Schmoozing is quite an art I’ve learned throughout my life and especially after being in full-time college ministry for 4 years. I can even, when asked enough times, speak in front of large groups of people. This not only goes against my introverted personality, but it rips at my fear of public speaking. There were times, and there will always be times, where I have to exercise my extrovertedness as my introvertedness is screaming within me.
One of the greatest desires of my life is to influence people for Christ. When it comes to my introvertedness, there’s a word in that last sentence that makes a HUGE difference. PEOPLE. In order to influence PEOPLE I have to be okay with stepping out of my comfort zone. I have to rely on Someone other than myself for the strength to make that step. When I am in the place where I have to exercise my extrovertedness instead of my introvertedness I can only run to God and ask Him to show His strength through my weakness. Yes, I know me being introverted isn’t necessarily a weakness because that’s the way God molded my personality. But when me being introverted causes me to be selfish?…that’s a different story!
So I write this as a reminder to myself that there’s a nice balance between being a healthy introvert and being a selfish introvert. Where is that middle balancing ground? I don’t know if I’m quite sure I know the specific answer for that yet. Any tipper-roos are welcome though J !
Hi Emily! I totally know what you mean. As a mom, I think it is really healthy and needed to get out and have some alone time. It is precious time! Whenever I do, it helps me get refueled and gives me energy. So don't beat yourself up too much. You need that time to help you keep being the wonderful mommy that you are.
ReplyDeleteCindy
Hi Em, Enjoyed reading your blog! I scored off the charts "I" so I can totally relate to your "I-ness". :) I always admired the way you lived and worked on staff...getting out of your comfort zones and trying new things! Here are a few things that have encouraged me over the years of being a mom.
ReplyDelete*Our children are our #1 disciples. As a mom, you are role-modeling and teaching virtually all day. So you are already having a tremendous influence everyday!
*Our husbands are an extension of us wives. Meaning all his victories are shared victories with you because he can't do all he does without you taking care of the home and family. It's teamwork, so rejoice in all your successes together.
*Certain seasons you'll be able to give the outside world more of yourself, certain seasons, less. When the kids are little, it's very physically tiring. Now I'm finding it's emotionally tiring. For me, it's always been important that I give my family my best, not my leftovers. Overseas I saw people who valued "the mission" more than their family and sacrificed their family for ministry. I know this is a balance too, to not let your family become your idol.
*Prayer, giving money, encouraging others to use their gifts for His Kingdom are just as important as being the one "out there" doing outreach.
Sorry I wrote a book, but hope it encourages you!
PS on a side note--I love the cheerfulness of your backround, but for us older folks--it's a little hard on the eyes to read. Thought you might want to know.
Miss you! Hope the Lord is encouraging you in all your adjustments. :)
Ugh. I have secretly avoided people, too. I am refreshed and energized by being alone as well! Sometimes you just need some good, quality, alone time.
ReplyDeleteHey Kristin! Thanks for the tips! Definitely helpful! I took your advice and changed the background. I was realizing for me it was even hard to read at times hahah! :)
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